I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
