Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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