the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
