my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
