my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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