You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
