I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
