my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
