quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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