what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
