i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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