i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
