it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
