I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it because I queefed?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
