why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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