You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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