So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
