she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
