I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
