I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
