I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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