ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
