Please, let me fuck your mom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
