So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
