just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
