Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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