Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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