I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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