did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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