Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
