We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
