i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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