i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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