This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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