even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
