Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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