She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
