I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
