I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
