i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
