one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
