Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
