Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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