My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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