he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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