I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
