I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
