Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
