what if every blade of grass was a penis?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
