holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's shark week go big or go home
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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