I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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