Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
