I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
